In need of a laugh? Here you go!
1. How many mystery writers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two. One to screw it almost all the way in, and the other to give it a surprising twist at the end.
2. What's the difference between publishers and terrorists?
You can negotiate with terrorists.
3. Did you hear the one about the pregnant woman who went into labor and began to yell, "Couldn't! Wouldn't! Shouldn't! Didn't! Can't!"?
She was having contractions.
4. Why did the comma break up with the apostrophe?
Because it was too possessive.
5. Why did the run-on sentence think it was pregnant?
Its period was late.
6. How Did Charlotte Brontë make it easier for everyone to breathe?
She created Eyre.
7. How do you annoy an editor?
The list is to long too fit hear.
8. Why do writers constantly feel cold?
They’re surrounded by drafts.
9. A man walks into a book shop and says, ‘Can I have a book by Shakespeare?’
‘Of course, sir,’ says the salesman. ‘Which one?’
The man replies, ‘William.’
10. The bar was walked into by the passive voice.
11. What’s the difference between a park bench and an English major?
A park bench can support a family of four.
12. Charles Dickens: Please, sir, I’d like a martini.
Bartender: Sure thing. Olive or twist?
13. Paddy, the barman at the Irish Pub heard the one about Charles Dickens being asked if he wanted his martini with an olive or twist.
“Oh, sure dat’s a good ome. If he ever comes in here I’ll try it on him.”
Sure enough, a day or two later Dickens pops into the Irish Pub and asks for a martini. Paddy says, “Certainly sor. Pickwick Papers?”